We are continuing our 30 Days of Gratitude! If you missed the scoop about why we’re celebrating, be sure to check out Episode One. Yesterday, we talked about betrayal. Today, we’re going to be discussing Day Fourteen’s topic: Pillows Over Your Face.
In this portion of my book, I tell a story about when I was in high school and I was really attached to my friend’s mom. Everybody loved her. I told one of my friends how much I was gonna miss her and I said, “I think I’m lovestruck”. Now. I didn’t know that lovestruck meant to be in love with someone. Had no idea! But HONEY… They did. And by the time it was all over, it was all over the marching that I was a lesbian.
Honey. The lady wouldn’t talk to me. I was the talk of the band. They called me derogatory names. They mocked me all the way to the competition, the whole time I was there, and all the way back home. It was horrible. The good thing was that I found out what the word “lovestruck” really means. I clearly had no idea. I just thought it meant you really loved someone and it made you not want to be without them. You know, like I love BoomBoom (if you don’t know who BoomBoom is, just check out my social media).
Long story, short, I tried to kill myself over this stuff. I tried to suffocate myself, but my body would always react and struggle to breathe.
You may feel like this. You may be struggling to breathe. You may feel like one wrong move has caused people to turn against you and run your name in the mud. You may feel like life has given you no other option than to put pillows over your face… but let me tell you something. As a matter of fact, let me just read you this excerpt from my book.
“Listen to me. There is something within ALL of us that will fight for our lives. Even when people die by hanging, they often have marks around their neck from where they tried to escape the grasp of the rope or belt or whatever mechanism they used. As much as I wanted to die, God put something in me that wanted me to live. Science shows that we have a natural reflex that kicks in at moments like these. It’s actually pretty amazing. I owe God my life because God spared my life so many times… God held it together for me when I didn’t even think I wanted it to be held together. I’m grateful.
I know that being misunderstood is hard. Suffering betrayal is hard. Being lonely is hard. I know it is. It’s hard having to cry every day. It’s hard trying to get people to accept you. Being left out is hard. Being constantly criticized is hard. It’s painful. Life brings us pain. Life can be almost unbearable sometimes. I know. I know… I know… But let me tell you something. GOD… has brought you entirely too far for you to give up.
Guess what! You have now completed half of this journey. You’re still here. You have had some good days. You’ve had some rough days. You’ve wrestled with some things. But you are still here. You’re still here! You can’t turn around now. You CANNOT give up now. From here, it only gets better. I decree that for you. It will only get better. Even when it seems hard, you’ll know that it’s getting better.
Take those pillows off your head. Those pillows of doubt, shame, fear, unforgiveness, anger, bitterness… Get those pillows off of your face. You are supposed to put pillows UNDER your head. You are supposed to position yourself ABOVE them, and they are supposed to bring you comfort and help you to sleep with ease. Yeah, I doubted myself, but now I rest easy because I don’t doubt myself anymore. That season of doubt helped me to learn to believe. That shame? Yeah I’m over that. I rest easy at night because I know that I don’t have to be ashamed of anything that I have endured. That’s behind me. By the end of this book, I decree and declare that you will have the same testimony.
Come on… Let’s go. We’ve got some LIVING to do. Are you ready? I think you are. I’m pulling for you. I’m cheering you forward.”
Have an amazing day today. Show love to yourself AND others. Be GREAT! I speak life to you and everyone and everything connected to you! Catch me tomorrow!